“You’re drunk, and I’m drunk, and I’m just exactly drunk enough to tell you anything you want to know. That’s the kind of girl I am. If I like a person, I’ll tell them anything they want to know. Just ask me. Go ahead, ask me.”—Red Harvest, Dashiell Hammett (via fuckyeahliteraryquotes)
From: ASHLEY MILLER firstname.lastname@example.org
Date: May 19, 2010 12:21:30 AM PDT
Subject: If you don’t, Don’t.
“No matter what she did or how hard she tried you where never going to let your guard down and that poor girl never stood a chance”
When I met you I was thoroughly convinced I was the luckiest, it is a naivety I yearn to be blinded by again or to have never felt at all. I attempt to discount all the magical bonds we had made in the short amount of time. Simply because if I deface your genuine intent and paint over it with selfish ulterior motives it will make to this chasm in me superficial thus easier to recover from. You have always been quite perplexing to me; I was warned early on of your impenetrable walls. I waited out side of them with unwavering certainty that and invitation was soon to come and well worth the time and energy. The weather has become unbearably inclement and I’m no longer sure that my company is desired beyond the cold rigid concrete.
You have been the exception to many of my rules, protective measures, and tolerance. It makes me feel so silly now. I actually held so much back, mixes never shared, letters unsent, thoughts behind smiles undisclosed because I was terrified that I was even capable of feeling this way even more so that you did not reciprocate. Your actions use to convince me that I was just a special to you as you are to me. That is were I derived my patience with your aversion towards a defined commitment. I figured you were just as petrified as I. My courage alone no longer suffices.
To say you are making my life hard is a gigantic understatement. Your aloof demeanor is heart breaking. I acknowledge that you have stated on more than one occasion that you do not want a “girlfriend.” However that does not excuse you from responsibility for your actions and how they affect me. I have invested so much of myself into you, making compromises, and participating in our relationship on your terms. You seem to have these misguided ideals about relationships. It is completely unfair to me; you have never given me the opportunity to act in that capacity.
The Conversation I had with Ashley weighed heavily on me, not because she spoke poorly of you, just the opposite actually. To hear all the sweet admirable things you did for her then having her depict how deplorably she treated you in return was devastating. I treat you like gold, to me you’re gold, and I get the back burner, last resort treatment from you.
I have been pushed pass my line, and although I was terrified I told you what I need from you in order for us to continue to be each others lives. Your unwillingness to accommodate my needs cleared up any confusion I had about your feelings for me. It doesn’t feel good to be nothing to someone. You just let me go, it hurt, it still hurts, and will most likely hurt for a long time. Perhaps you doubted my sincerity; unfortunately I can no longer participate in this mediocrity. You and I have the potential to be extraordinary and I will not continue this stagnation keeping us from it.
Despite everything I have been through, I was resilient and opened my self up to you. I only wanted to be the one to make you smile everyday. You were worth the risk, I am only sorry you didn’t feel the same. Your indecisiveness is at my expense and I have waited outside Fort Knox long enough. You did it you broke me. Now is my time to recover, I want you to give me space to deal. Facts are I don’t want to be just your “friend” and being treated like a “friend” by you is salt in my wounds. If we still talk I will be plagued by hope that you care about me and overwhelmed with desire for the relationship you are unwilling to have with me. It just hurts too much, please stop.