Unrequited and perpetual discontent are frequent themes of my life and I am becoming unable to refute the common denominator is the cause of all of these undesirable outcomes. Can I just get a fucking reciprocal already!
I did get one of your letters by the way. It just brought too much confusion and hurt, I knew that wasn’t where my head needed to be and couldn’t see the benefit of yours being there either. I’m sorry if my silence hurt you. I still don’t know how to be a positive part of your life I think I care too much and despite the fact that I know your relapses are your choice, I always felt like I failed you. Addiction is huge sometimes bigger than love and I kept getting crushed.
Why doesn’t anyone seem to have any conviction anymore? Does passion not engulf your insides to where you can see the untamed inferno through your eyes? Do eyes no longer seek a being that inspires growth and a sense of empowerment? Are hands really only meant to come in two’s, because I thought four was much more pleasant. Wishy washy, lack of commitment, because, “it’s not fair to you.” Here’s and idea make up your mind about how you feel and let me decide what I want and let’s see if we end up in the same place. Someone once told me the riskiest thing you can do with your heart is not be risky with it. You all are fucking cowards and it is quite wearing on my faith in love and romance. These walls I’ve instituted to protect my self make me resent you for not climbing over them. I have been waiting around for so long for someone to prove me wrong and I’m afraid it’s never going to happen. We’ll all die alone with out experiencing the insatiable bliss of love because we are all to gutless to submit to our passions whim. Good god just climb in here a prove me wrong, please.
“You know that feeling? That feeling when you just want the right thing to fall into the right place, not only because it’s right, but because it will mean that such a thing is still possible.”—Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist (via thechocolatebrigade)
“As I grow older, much older, I will experience many things, and I will hit rock bottom again and again. Again and again I will suffer; again and again I will get back on my feet. I will not be defeated. I won’t let my spirit be destroyed.”—Kitchen by Banana Yoshimoto (via thechocolatebrigade)
Better question, what doesn’t happen. To say I’m a bit jaded is fair. However, I have this inextinguishable ember beneath all of the scar tissue and the lack of tolerance that no one ever seems to be able to ignite. It typically takes about three weeks for me to lose interest. I know its a silly defense mechanism but I cant bring myself to submit to mediocrity. I am a hopeless romantic, I want to be enamored by a reverential human being and it just never happens.